I recently spent an hour and a half on the phone with a girlfriend from college, catching up. Even though I know her and her husband's love story, I've never shared with her my past relationship stories. What started out as a fun recollection of random college dates turned into rehash of one of the most painful experiences of my life. As I recalled the wrongs done, the words said that will never leave my head, the heartbreak that hung like a thunderhead over my senior year...I waited for the wave of pain to crash over me. Even though it's been 8 years, the experience left me such an emotional mess that I didn't date for 5 years after I graduated college.
But the wave didn't come. I shared the story...and felt peace. I have long forgiven those involved, but for the first time I realized I've let go of the pain that I allowed to reside in my heart for so long. As my friend shared some sad news about the other person involved my reaction was not one of "serves them right," (much to my surprise, mind you) but I felt compassion. And it was in that moment that I understood where the ugly words came from, what the motive behind the actions were. Things I couldn't understand then made sense now.
Even though I've always known that what Jesus says about me is Truth, for the first time I believed His words over the lie that was spoken over me 8 years ago.
Nothing cathartic happened, the conversation continued, but I was free. Free from the lie. Free to believe the Truth about who He says I am.
The wreckage is still there, but a new foundation has been laid.
Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
Hosea 2:14-15
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